notmynoise
Conversation guide4–6 minutes5 sections

Grief Does Not Move Through Fixed Stages

Begin step 1

Grief Does Not Move Through Fixed Stages is a short visual guide for moments connected to emotional regulation skills.

It covers one core idea: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance describe common conditions, but not linear stages or a normative timetable.

You will call the current wave without concluding that the process is going wrong, then choose what fits next.

The aim is better orientation and a safer response rather than instant emotional control.

Edited asconversation guide·5 focused visual steps
Working edition 1Published July 22, 2026Last reviewed August 2, 2026Editorial standardsSuggest a correction
01
A passenger looking through a rain-speckled train window while the landscape moves softly beyond the glass.

Step 1 of 5

Check your starting point: Grief Does Not Move Through Fixed Stages

When an emotion fills the whole screen and there seems to be no room for choice…

Notice what fits this situation today:

  • "Stages" are not in the given order
  • There is no right pace of grief
  • Acceptance means contact with reality
  • I am not sure yet—I just want to understand
Next: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance describe common conditions
02
A passenger looking through a rain-speckled train window while the landscape moves softly beyond the glass.

Step 2 of 5

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance describe common conditions

  • Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance describe common conditions, but not linear stages or a normative timetable.
  • A wave of the same emotion after a calm period does not mean a rollback.
  • Acceptance is not the same as approval of loss.
Next: Map the pattern: Grief Does Not Move Through Fixed Stages
03
A passenger looking through a rain-speckled train window while the landscape moves softly beyond the glass.

Step 3 of 5

Map the pattern: Grief Does Not Move Through Fixed Stages

Look at the moving parts of Grief Does Not Move Through Fixed Stages one at a time:

  • "Stages" are not in the given order.
  • There is no right pace of grief.
  • Acceptance means contact with reality.
Next: Call the current wave without concluding that the process is going wrong
04
A passenger looking through a rain-speckled train window while the landscape moves softly beyond the glass.

Step 4 of 5

Call the current wave without concluding that the process is going wrong

  • Pause for a few seconds. Check whether this practice feels safe enough right now.
  • Call the current wave without concluding that the process is going wrong.
  • Notice what changed in your body or thoughts. Do not grade yourself—collect information.

Quick check after the practice:

  • What changed, even by 1%?
  • What stayed the same?
  • What do you need now: continue, stop, or ask someone for support?
Next: Choose a next step: Grief Does Not Move Through Fixed Stages
05
A passenger looking through a rain-speckled train window while the landscape moves softly beyond the glass.

Step 5 of 5

Choose a next step: Grief Does Not Move Through Fixed Stages

You do not have to resolve this whole situation today. You worked directly with “Grief Does Not Move Through Fixed Stages” and chose one possible response.

Choose what fits now:

  • “Save one next step”
  • “Come back later”
  • “I need support from a person”

After this guide

Keep the next step small.

Better orientation and a safer response rather than instant emotional control.

Back to Emotions and RegulationChoose another topic

Where to go next

Choose the next useful idea

Choose one if it fits what you need now.

Sources & evidence

Where this guide comes from

The book is the editorial starting point. The research below checks or qualifies the broader ideas used in this guide.

Adapted from

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?

Chapter 15, “The Stages of Grief” · source pages 121–124

View publisher record (opens in a new tab)
Written by
Julie Smith (opens in a new tab)Clinical psychologist with NHS and private-practice experience; not a medical doctor.
Edition used
Michael Joseph, an imprint of Penguin Random House UK, 2022 · ISBN 9780241529737
Formal review
The edition does not identify a formal peer-review or clinical-review panel. Publisher praise is not formal review.
Public endorsements — not formal review

Lori Gottlieb (opens in a new tab) — Psychotherapist and author

Editorial limitations of this book source
  • Broad popular self-help reference, not an individualized formulation or treatment plan.
  • Exercises involving exposure, breathing, nutrition, or inward attention are not suitable for every reader.
  • Scientific claims paraphrased for a general audience still need claim-level checking against primary research.
  • The source PDF contains an unrelated and medically unreliable second book after page 308; that material is excluded.

Research context

Supporting and qualifying references

Reviewed 2026-08-04

  1. 01

    Systematic Narrative Review · 2021

    Stages of Grief Portrayed on the Internet: A Systematic Analysis and Critical Appraisal (opens in a new tab)

    Kate Anne Avis, Margaret Stroebe, Henk Schut · Frontiers in Psychology · DOI 10.3389/fpsyg.2021.772696

    What it supports: The five-stage model should not be presented as a required, linear path for bereaved people.

    Limits and disclosures

    Limit: Review of public web portrayals rather than a treatment trial; it is most useful as an editorial safety correction.

    Disclosure: No product-specific conflict identified.

  2. 02

    Randomized Controlled Trial · 2005

    Treatment of complicated grief: a randomized controlled trial (opens in a new tab)

    Katherine Shear, MD, Ellen Frank, PhD, Patricia R. Houck, Charles F. Reynolds III, MD · JAMA · DOI 10.1001/jama.293.21.2601

    What it supports: A specialized psychotherapy outperformed interpersonal psychotherapy for complicated grief in the studied trial.

    Limits and disclosures

    Limit: Applies to clinically significant complicated grief and a full therapist-delivered protocol, not ordinary grief or a short self-help guide.

    Disclosure: No NotMyNoise relationship identified.

  3. 03

    Randomized Controlled Trial · 2023

    Effects and Mechanisms of a Web- and Mobile-Based Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Intervention for Anxiety and Depression Symptoms in Nurses (opens in a new tab)

    Yan’e Lu, Yang Li, Yongqi Huang, Xuan Zhang, Juan Wang, Liuliu Wu, Fenglin Cao · Journal of Medical Internet Research · DOI 10.2196/51549

    What it supports: A structured ACT program improved symptoms in nurses, with psychological flexibility, defusion, and values among studied mechanisms.

    Limits and disclosures

    Limit: Single occupational sample, wait-list comparison, attrition, and a multi-component program; does not validate isolated values prompts.

    Disclosure: No product-specific conflict identified in the PubMed record.